PedoWhaties!
by TenkunoMeiou
Summary: Eleven year old Riku finds out Sora, Kairi and Selphie are having fun with out him. And Sora’s mad at him and won’t tell him why. So what does Riku do? Scare the crap out of them that’s what. Oneshot


**Disclaimer: **Alright. Again I don't own Kingdom Hearts.–sniffles-

Ash: Get over it.

**Summary: **Eleven-Year-old Riku finds out Sora, Kairi and Selphie are having fun with out him. And Sora's mad at him and won't tell him why. So what does Riku do? Scare the crap out of them that's what.

**A/N: **Ok this story came from me having a pointless conversation with my brother about pedophiles stealing him and having their way with him. I scared the crap out of him! I'm such a loving older sister.

Ash: O.o! You told him that! God Ten, He's only 11!

Anyway, on with the story!

* * *

**Pedo-whaties!

* * *

**

Riku sighed softly.

Today was slow.

Turtle slow.

No. Correction.

Snail slow.

There was absolutely nothing to do!

Tidus was being a turd and said he had homework to catch up on or else his mother would flay him alive.

Pft. Who on earth did their homework on the weekend! Even if they were getting death threats from their mom!

And Wakka was too depressed from losing that Blitzball game yesterday to even answer his darn phone!

Riku groaned loudly, his shaggy platinum hair getting in his eyes again. Growling he tucked the silky strands behind his ears.

Sighing softly Riku sank lower in to his indention in the couch, ideally flipping through the channels on the T.V.

Tom and Jerry?

No.

Pokemon?

I think not.

Bob the Builder?

See a psychiatrist Bob! Your talking to trucks!

Teletubies?

Heck N- Wait! Was that a burning baby head!

Riku blinked and watched as the multi-colored things with bent hangers attached to their heads, ran up a hill…

And then down the hill.

Then back up.

And down.

Finally after their sixth trip up the hill, to which Riku wondered why they were still pudgy after all that running. They decided to make some sort of custard. Then proceeded to drop it on the floor and laugh.

"Riku, what is the name of all that is sane are you watching?"

Biting his lip lightly, Riku rose slightly, just enough to look over the rim of the couch at his mother.

There she stood in all her mother like glory. Her pale blonde, almost white hair was tied back into a messy bun, a few strands escaping and framing her face. A slender blonde eyebrow raised in question. Her aqua eyes identical too her sons, held some sort of amusement. She was decked in her housework outfit, which consisted of his father's old flannel pajama bottoms, which hung low on her slender hips, and an old ratty and stained T-shirt that was probably his fathers as well judging by how big it was on his moms little figure.

Riku smiled sheepishly, flashing his pearly whites at her.

"Educational T.V?"

"Uh-huh."

Blinking slightly Riku watched as his mother walked over to the couch and plopped herself down next to him with a sigh. After watching her for a few moments his eyes traveled back to the T.V.

The blue one with a triangle on his head, his tummy was now glowing. It was kind of freaky.

"This show will make you mentally handicapped."

Riku looked over at his mother, too see her watching the T.V with a dull bored expression on her face.

"What?"

"You heard me. Just watching it for five minutes makes me feel like I'm losing all the intelligence I have."

Riku had to smile. Man he loved his mom.

"Well, then why are you watching it?"

"Why are you?"

Riku frowned.

"Erm….Because I like it?"

At this his mother snorted and stared at him with a look that had disbelief written all over it.

Riku started back defiantly.

Rolling her eyes his mother reached over and slapped his leg none too gently.

"Hey!"

"Give me a break Riku. My eleven-year old son, the same kid that stays up late every Friday night to watch horror movies with his father, is telling me he likes to watch Teletubbies? Some how I just don't believe it."

Riku frowned even more, almost into a pout. Like one blue-eyed porcupine head he knew. But no. Riku would never pout. It wasn't a manly thing to do. And Riku was surely a man!

" So tell me. What's the real reason for watching the Multi-colored retards?"

Sighing Riku laid his head on the couch's armrest. There was no getting past his mom.

"There's nothing else to do!"

At the sharp laugh Riku looked up at his mom. She was laughing!

"What the! Is my misfortune really that amusing to you?"

Riku glared as his mother as she waved a hand at him, covering her mouth with her pale hand to keep the giggles from escaping. Riku was seriously doubting his mother sanity!

Finally after what seemed like hours she calmed down enough to speak.

"I'm sorry sweetie. Heh."

"Whatever."

"What about Tidus?"

"Homework."

"How about Wakka?"

"He lost a blitzball game. You know how he gets when he loses."

"Sora?"

Riku blinked slightly. Sora?…Yeah! Sora! Why hadn't he thought of Sora? The spiky haired brunette was always good for some fun!

Jumping up from the couch, he leaned over and kissed his mom on the cheek.

"Thanks mom!"

She laughed as she watched her son scramble out the door.

**XxXxX**

Riku scowled as he walked down the street. He had gone to Sora's house but his mom had told him that Sora wasn't home and that he was somewhere down by the golf course.

The Golf course! Why the heck would Sora be there! Sora didn't have enough attention span to even watch a game of rock paper scissors let alone golf!

Sighing softly Riku shoved his hands in his pocket as he neared the golf courses entrance.

What he saw made him stop and stare.

There off to the side of the entrance was what looked like a sloppy made booth that was about six feet tall and eight feet wide. Hung at the top was crocked a wooden sign with the words, **'_GOLF BALLS FOR SALE! 50 cents!' _**painted on it. And there behind the booth was the little red head Kairi and the spiky haired idiot he was looking for.

Raising an eyebrow Riku walked over towards the sad excuse for a booth.

When Kairi saw him coming and her turquoise eyes lit up as a bright smile spread onto her face and she waved her arm enthusiastically at him.

"Riku! Hey Riku!"

Riku let a small smile grace his lips as he looked at her excited face, but the smile was replaced with a frown when he saw Sora stiffen and then glare at him.

_What the...? _

He made it over to them and stood in front of the booth looking it up and down, his hands resting in his hips.

"Hey Kairi…Sora." He replied, watching Sora carefully.

Sora just narrowed his bright cobalt eyes, puffed out his cheeks and glared harder at him. He kind of looked constipated like that.

"So what are you guys doing?"

Kairi's smile, if it was even possible, got even bigger. "We're Selling golf balls!"

Riku raised a silver eyebrow slowly an amused smile came onto his face.

"Really now? And where do you get these golf balls to sell?"

"The creek!" Kairi chirped happily.

"The creek?"

Riku must have made a face because Kairi was giggling like mad and pointing at him, and Sora was still glaring at him. _Geeze the kid's got a staring problem! _

"Yep the creek!"

Riku looked at the white little balls they had in the back of the booth. "Do I even want to know?"

"Humpf!"

Both Kairi and Riku looked at Sora as he huffed and turned his back to them, taking a rag and started to polish the already clean balls.

_What was his deal? _

Kairi blinked and shrugged then turned her attention back to Riku and smiled.

"See what we discovered is that since the creek is so close to the golf course, a lot of golf balls get hit into the creek. So then we decided we would go fish the golf balls out of the creek, clean them up and sell them!"

Ahhh, so that's what their plan was. Riku had to admit. It was a pretty good plan. And their golf balls were certainly cheaper than the ones at the sports store.

"Did you guys build this booth too?"

Kairi smiled slightly embarrassed, her cheeks reddening, "Yeah we did. But it doesn't look so good."

Riku smiled at her. "You guys should have called me. I would have helped you."

Riku frowned as Kairi's smile faded and her eyes widened with shock and confusion.

"Call you…? What do you mean? Sora said he called you and you said that you didn't want to help…"

At this Riku blinked but then his eyes narrowed in to aqua slits. "Did he really?"

Both turquoise and aqua eyes turned to stare at brunette's back. Sora was as stiff and ridged as an iron pole.

Kairi tilted her head in confusion. "Sora? I thought you said Riku didn't want to hel-"

The brunette whirled around so fast it surprised both Riku and Kairi.

"Kairi! Why don't you go help Selphie down at the creek!"

Kairi blinked in confusion. "But Sora-"

Sora let that trademark grin spread across his face. Riku hated it right now.

"Really Kairi. I'm sure she needs help!"

Kairi glanced warily between Sora and Riku. Finally she slowly nodded and walked out from behind the booth and down the street towards the creek.

Both boys watched her for a while, until her form completely disappeared from sight.

Slowly Riku brought his eyes back the brunette.

Sora was still staring down the path Kairi had gone, but when he felt eyes on him, he turned to Riku with yet another one of his 'fierce' glares and turned his back to him again.

Rolling his eyes, Riku raked a hand though his silver locks and walked closer to the booth. Resting his hands on the table of the booth, he leaned forward slightly and glared at his friends back.

"Alright so what did I do to get your undies all in a bunch?"

Riku smirked as he heard Sora growl very softly. He couldn't help it; he loved getting a rise out of the brunette.

"Come on Sora. Tell me so I can say sorry and then you can go back to being all happy and crap." Riku said in a bored tone looking at the little designs on the back of Sora's shirt.

He saw Sora's shoulders sag slightly and he grinned. Next would be the part where Sora turned around with a sad look on his face and told Riku what he did wrong, Riku would then rattle off an apology. And everything would be right as rain!

But it was different this time…

Sora turned around and on his face he wore the biggest grin Riku had ever seen on anybody's face.

"Riku…"

Riku blinked. "Eh...Yeah?"

Then it happened…

Something Riku thought he would never see his small brunette friend do…

Sora lifted up his hand…

And gave Riku the bird.

_WHAT THE! _

Riku was so shocked by this his hands slipped from their position causing him to fall forward and smack his chin on the table top of the booth.

"Ow!"

Wincing he slowly stood up holding his chin. His eyes closed tightly as not to let out any tears that threatened to fall.

But before he could even utter one more word about how stupid the stand or Sora was, his hand was softly being taken away from his chin, and as he opened his eyes all he could see was a bright endless sea of blue.

"Riku! Are you okay! My gosh! That looked like it hurt! Ah man, now it's all red now!"

Riku blinked. "Wha?"

He watched as Sora gently bit his lip and touched the, what he knew was going to bruise softly.

He had to smile.

"So I have to hurt myself in order to get you to forgive me?"

Sora blinked.

Riku blinked.

And all too quickly the gentle hands roughly pushed his chin away, causing Riku to hiss in pain.

"What the heck? What is your problem!"

Sora was glaring at him again. _Oh god here we go again…_

"You!"

Riku raised his hands to his head and gripped his hair tightly.

"What the heck did I do! Geeze! I probably forgot to call you or something girly like that!"

Wrong thing to say.

Next thing he knew, he felt something wham into his stomach hard. Turns out Sora had head butted him.

So there Riku lay on the ground, his chin and stomach both killing him. And to make things so much better Sora decided to sit on his chest and smoother him with something soft.

He could hear Sora yelling things, something about "Tuffy didn't deserve that!", "I'm not girly!" and "Your such a jerk Riku!" but he was too busy trying to breath to hear everything.

Finally Riku was able to roughly push the raging brunette off of him. After a few deep gasps of air, Riku sat up and turned to glare daggers at Sora. He was met with the same look. He looked down at Sora's lap and found out what Sora had been smothering him with. It was Tuffy. The small stuffed dog Sora had gotten when he was about four. He looked back up at Sora his glare hardening.

"Are you trying to kill me!"

"Wouldn't matter since no one would care a jerk like you is gone!"

Ouch.

Riku glared hard at Sora, but then closed his eyes and sighed. He hated fighting with his friend unless it was play fighting. And this certainly wasn't play.

"Sora….What did I do? Just tell me ok?"

He opened his eyes to see Sora sizing him up thoughtfully.

_If he attacks me again I swear to god… _

But then a small pout worked it's way on to Sora's face.

"You really don't know?"

Riku groaned and smacked his forehead. "No Sora! I don't know! Why else would I be asking you?"

Sighing, Sora shoved Tuffy out in front of him. As if presenting him to Riku.

"Wha?"

"Look at him Riku!"

And Riku did look at the dog. If you could even call it a dog. It had one eye missing, there were patches where it had absolutely no fur and showed the fabric underneath. It's snout was smashed in and it had stitches everywhere. Then Riku noticed something. Tuffys fur was a bit darker than it usually was and he seemed a lot more beat up.

Then it all came back to him.

Yesterday he had….played around with Tuffy, to tease Sora.

"Oh that."

Sora's pout became even more pronounced as he hugged Tuffy to him tightly. "Yes that!"

Riku sighed and rolled his eyes. "Oh come on Sora...I was only having fun."

"Riku! You threw him in the mud!"

Riku bit his lip. "Yeah?"

"Then stomped on him!"

He cringed. "…So?"

"Then, you proceeded to tease me about how much of a baby I was and that I was too old for stuffed animals!"

Ok….So he had gone a little over board.

"But that's no reason to try and kill me!"

And yet again the pout was gone, replaced by a scowl that looked nasty on Sora's small face in Riku's opinion.

"Jerk."

"Baby!"

"Bugger face!"

"Butt head!"

"Girly boy!"

"Egg sucking weasel!"

" Double butted worm!"

"SORA! RIKU!"

Both boys stopped their onslaught of name-calling and looked over at the source of the voice.

There stood Kairi and Selphie, holding buckets of what Riku guessed were golf balls, their legs slightly muddy from wading in the creek. Kairi looked horrified. Selphie looked like she was trying not to laugh.

"What is wrong with you two!" Kairi set the buckets down and put her small muddy hands on her hips, getting her pretty little dress dirty but at that moment she could have cared less about that.

Riku and Sora looked at each other then huffed and looked away.

Kairi sighed softly as she picked up her buckets and walked over to the booth, motioning for Selphie to follow her. Sora watched them for a moment. Then with one last glare in Riku's direction, he stood up and dusted his pants off and went behind the booth with the two girls.

Riku sat there for a moment and watched them, he heard Kairi whisper to Sora what all the yelling was about, but Sora just brushed it off telling her it was just Riku being stupid.

_Him_ being stupid!

God he wanted to kill Sora!

Standing up as well he brushed his shoulders off of the imaginary dirt.

"Stupid Sora.." he muttered darkly, but then blinked as he saw someone approaching the three's stand.

Riku growled softly as he saw who it was.

It was Mr.Belta.

He was probably in his late fifties, had a receding hairline that went almost past his ears. He had wrinkles everywhere and his voice reminded Riku of some kind of evil guys who ate babies…and stuff. And he always no matter what, wore that long dark gray coat, even if it was hot out.

Mr.Belta was slime in Riku's books. Ever since Riku had accidentally broken one of Mr.Belta's windows with a baseball, and he was sent to work it off by doing yard work in Mr. Belta's yard for about two weeks. And when he worked Mr. Belta would always watch him from the window. He would never leave until Riku was done. His mom said he was just imagining stuff. But it still freaked Riku out.

He watched as Mr. Belta walked slowly over to the booth and greeted the three behind it.

All three of them smiled brightly at him.

Riku narrowed his eyes as he saw Mr. Belta rub his hands together slightly, as if his hands were cold.

But it was seventy-five degrees out today….Why on earth would he be cold?

He raised an eyebrow as the old man purchased six balls from the three.

The eyebrow rose even higher as he watched Mr. Belta walk the opposite way from the golf course.

_Freaky old fart_…

He looked back over to the stand and caught Sora glaring at him again. _Ugh…_

"Do you have business here?" Sora asked harshly.

"Wha?"

"If you don't then leave."

Ok…That was the last straw.

Riku smiled as a small light came on upstairs in his head.

He'd teach Sora to be a little brat, stay mad at him and not invite him to stuff.

Waltzing slowly towards the booth again, he smiled softly as he ran his left hand along the surface of the table top.

"Actually…I do have business here."

Sora turned to him and gave him a disapproving look. _Hey you asked for this buddy._

He glanced over at the two girls a smiled slightly. He felt kind of bad that they had to suffer as well because of Sora. But…he had to do what he had to do.

"You see I was watching you guys sell that guy golf balls…"

Sora thrust his hands on to his hips and cocked his head to the side, "Yeah so?"

He wanted to smack the boy. But he kept his face calm and his smile easy going.

"And I just wanted to warn you guys…"

Riku had to bite his lip not to smirk as he saw Kairi and Selphie's eyes widen slightly.

He also saw Sora roll his eyes. Heh, We'll see about that.

"You know…about your business. I mean, You are three cute kids selling stuff….I would hate if…Nah never mind." He waved his hand in the air as if to dismiss what he was about to say.

Riku blinked as he felt Selphie wrap her hands around his raised arm a bit tightly. "No! Tell us Riku! What would you hate to happen?"

He glanced at Kairi and saw her eyes wide and fearful. And he glanced at Sora, he now had a small frown on his face, and was that? Yes! It was! There was fear in Sora's deep blue eyes.

Heh…Hook. Line. And Sinker.

"I would hate for pedophiles to come and steal you."

All three of them blinked at him.

He blinked right back.

" Pedo-Whaties?"

Riku smiled as he looked over at Sora. "Pedophiles."

Kairi chewed on her lip softly, "What's that?"

Riku pursed his lips as if in thought.

"Well, they are people. I can give you an example. Mr. Belta…He's a pedophile."

Selphie blinked, "But what do they do?"

Riku grinned.

"Well….You see…."

**XxXxX **

Riku yawned softly as he snuggled further into his blankets, waiting for his mom to come kiss him goodnight.

He smiled and closed his eyes as he heard his mothers footsteps make their way up the stairs and towards his room.

He heard the door open but the foot steps stopped at the door.

"Riku?"

Slowly he opened his eyes and glanced over at his mother.

In her hand she held their cordless phone and she had a disapproving frown on her face.

"Erm…Yeah mom?"

She raised an eyebrow ever so slowly and pointed to the phone.

"Care to tell me why Sora's mom is on the other line, telling me about how Sora refuses to go to bed because he's scared half to death that Mr. Belta and other pedophiles coming in during the night and stealing him?"

Riku just smiled sheepishly.

"Eh heh heh…..that's a funny story."

* * *

A/N: Wow! I finished! Phew! And now I can't even relax right because _somebody's _younger bother came for a visit and won't let anyone else play the PS2! –Glares at Ash-

Ash:…What? It's not my fault he loves the thing as much as you.

-Hisses softly- Fine! I'm just going to go watch Digimon until he leaves! –stalks off to her room-

Ash: Hey! Wait! You can't leave! What about telling people to review!

-All she receives for an answer is a slamming of the door-

Ash: -.-…Oh sure make me do the work….Alright people. Please review. –bows respectfully- Thank you. –Goes off to watch Digimon with Ten-


End file.
